Confusing omens...FUCK THEM..FUCK U...VERY VERY MUCH :p

I'm in a bit of confusion here, today. First i searched for a song which would exactly fit my situation and none of the songs i knew explained the mixed feelings i was going thru. So i typed away the most dominating feeling..fuck you! it gave me a very desired result by lily allen. Fuck you..Fuck you very very much...bla bla..so pls don't stay in touch!! Thanks google for being so prompt and customised in your wierd way :P. I kept playing that song till i learnt the lyrics and lip-synced it in front of the mirror imagining you in front of me. I was happy..trust me. And then my brother...MY BROTHER WHO'VE PLAYED PARTS IN VERY INDIRECT BUT INFLUENCING WAYS IN OUR STORY...He, after i was done cutting cabbage and was cutting the last few left over leaves..played a song...introducing it as...tu yeh sunke pagal ho jayegi...and the song was-PARDESI PARDESI JANA NAHI MUJHE CHOD KE...MUJHE CHOD KE...whats so 'pagal ho jayegi' about this song?..it was song sung by a train kid...in their most famous...ear piercing voice like bakras have finally found gift of voice and words...but yeah...it did make me mad...i cudn't decipher god's omens...pehle fuck you...and then pardesi jana nahi?...and by the time i was done eating n reading HT..dad requests koi gana laga as i wasn't talkin a word nor makin sound...only sound i cud hear was him chewing the food..i know im not n entertainer and all the things that happened..and the situation i was in today, i juz didn't even feel like puttin in efforts...so i played the song...GOd knows y...but i wanted to hear this..Chandni raatein...Chandni raatein...sab jag soye hum jage..taro se kare baatein...***pichle raat mein hum uth uth k chupke chupke roye re...pichli raat mein....sukh ki neend mein meet hamare des paraye soye re..sukh ki neend mein...
So what is it...in the evening...i felt ki juz let go..im being too harsh on myself..the thing about teelu and him..i kinda forced it on me and him..honestly..becoz it was a courteous thing u'd expect from any goddamn acquaintance u know...but i kinda just let go...and so the subtler..gud feelings surfaced...they've been dominating me for months now...but today..im really happy that its over..he's gone...so the last song i listen to is Hariharan's- unse jab jabhi mulakatein hui...sari sari raat barsatein hui...**RAAT BHAR DEEWAR SE BAATEIN HUI**..sure hariharan ji...im talkin to the wall..still logged into facebook and ready to change my status update to...TUM GAYE...ACCHA LAGA :)