Confusing omens...FUCK THEM..FUCK U...VERY VERY MUCH :p

I'm in a bit of confusion here, today. First i searched for a song which would exactly fit my situation and none of the songs i knew explained the mixed feelings i was going thru. So i typed away the most dominating feeling..fuck you! it gave me a very desired result by lily allen. Fuck you..Fuck you very very much...bla bla..so pls don't stay in touch!! Thanks google for being so prompt and customised in your wierd way :P. I kept playing that song till i learnt the lyrics and lip-synced it in front of the mirror imagining you in front of me. I was happy..trust me. And then my brother...MY BROTHER WHO'VE PLAYED PARTS IN VERY INDIRECT BUT INFLUENCING WAYS IN OUR STORY...He, after i was done cutting cabbage and was cutting the last few left over leaves..played a song...introducing it as...tu yeh sunke pagal ho jayegi...and the song was-PARDESI PARDESI JANA NAHI MUJHE CHOD KE...MUJHE CHOD KE...whats so 'pagal ho jayegi' about this song?..it was song sung by a train kid...in their most famous...ear piercing voice like bakras have finally found gift of voice and words...but yeah...it did make me mad...i cudn't decipher god's omens...pehle fuck you...and then pardesi jana nahi?...and by the time i was done eating n reading HT..dad requests koi gana laga as i wasn't talkin a word nor makin sound...only sound i cud hear was him chewing the food..i know im not n entertainer and all the things that happened..and the situation i was in today, i juz didn't even feel like puttin in efforts...so i played the song...GOd knows y...but i wanted to hear this..Chandni raatein...Chandni raatein...sab jag soye hum jage..taro se kare baatein...***pichle raat mein hum uth uth k chupke chupke roye re...pichli raat mein....sukh ki neend mein meet hamare des paraye soye re..sukh ki neend mein...
So what is it...in the evening...i felt ki juz let go..im being too harsh on myself..the thing about teelu and him..i kinda forced it on me and him..honestly..becoz it was a courteous thing u'd expect from any goddamn acquaintance u know...but i kinda just let go...and so the subtler..gud feelings surfaced...they've been dominating me for months now...but today..im really happy that its over..he's gone...so the last song i listen to is Hariharan's- unse jab jabhi mulakatein hui...sari sari raat barsatein hui...**RAAT BHAR DEEWAR SE BAATEIN HUI**..sure hariharan ji...im talkin to the wall..still logged into facebook and ready to change my status update to...TUM GAYE...ACCHA LAGA :)

To my teelu...with loads of luv...god bless you

Hi there dude…hugs..loads! big... huge!....im sorry…I donno what to say..i still can’t believe your gone..i want to cross check..but I think she’s right… I didn’t find u the last two times I went to b2. You weren’t there and im so sorry but those two times.. I was kinda relieved that now I can play with other pups..coz u never let me play with other pups….u know that I enjoyed ur attention and dominance tho…teelu u were a good dog …I hadn’t known u since u were born but u always felt so excited to see me, play with me…soon u became my fav..u know I don’t have favs in dogs..cozz all r gud…but honestly..with all my heart, I was proud of a dog like you. You were strong, cute…clean! And you always made me happy by the way u expressed your happiness to see me. You were a quick learner. That day when I was hiding from you and sat in front of vrishali’s house. I saw how without even looking back that im coming or not…involuntarily u ran and sat on the electric katta…u knew that that’s the place I always asked u to sit so that you dn’t jump at me…n I can massage your head and play with ur moochi…You were a strong dog teelu…I dunno…if I had juz asked around about ur whereabouts..the last two times…I would have treated you. I still can’t believe…when aunty told me…I became so selfish that I asked her..r u sure it wasn’t tai..but teelu?...they called u with a different name…I don’t rmmbr…but u were my teelu..the best dog…I want to thank you for shutting tai up when she was barkin at me as usual…unnecessarily…and u juz held her barking mouth n tried to close it with urs…I boasted about you to my friends teeli...i also rmmbr the time when I ignored you prolly jaan booj k q ki u simply won’t let me play with teddy bear…and I sat on the association katta…u came running and climbed gole uncle’s car and from the roof you tried to nudge me with ur hand …see im here!...play with me…I want to play with u now…yesterday…I dunno how long u’ve been gone…its sad…I thot its rainy season ..u must be sleeping in sum cozy..dry place…I had no idea that sumthing of this sort could happen. ..im really going to miss you teelu!!!!! u know that i love u right? :(

Makes sense?

Wow...its sucha relief juz to start a new post!

I'm feelin an undying desire to write...i think its time i take this up seriously..after all this was in the plan...

I believe or rather..i used to, that whatever you desire, plan for your future..what you foresee yourself doing, comes true one day, sumtimes witha few alterations but things do take shape. NOW its not a belief anymore, its PROVED right. I've come to understand the true meaning of "If you knew the power of your thoughts, you would never think a negative thought:

Coz i did think alot of neg, alot of evil and even today sumtimes...innocently, unaware of this realization, i do, out of impulse, out of concern for a beloved, out of being a human. And later on, all i can do is pray that it shouldn't come true...i shouldn't be the one responsible ...I'd just like to say that god is smart. He knows...i didn't mean it..

This theory can probably explain why there's so much of evil around. Because they mean it. They mean to do harm, make this beautiful place a living hell. They mean to create an imbalance to such an extent that people will at last realize that peace is not a given. You need to protect it, stand up for it, fight for it. In an era where even free and abundant things are not free...how did you take peace for granted?...Lets be ready to pay a heavy prize for our heavy mistakes.

We are back to square one. Undo your seat belts...its time

SHollow

Wipe out the emptiness. Fill it with rains. Rest your eyes a bit. I know it hurts. Its non sensical. You'll probably have to blow it away. Let it mess things. I want to be mean. I want to see the sad side of me, the bad side of me. If thats what its gonna take to kill. I can't nip it in a bud. Coz its not a bud anymore. Its cancerous advance compels me. It compels me to think where i went wrong and how difficult it is to repair. It compels me to regret without any ray of hope. The only hope is retreat. Something im very much aquainted with. Its growing. The more i write, the more it grows, the more it grows the more i write, the more i write the more i get bored, the more i get bored, the faster it goes. I'd be able to sleep then OR maybe not.
Lying awake under the aerial blades, my mind races through the chores of life, and the worst finds its place first, lasts for a cruelly long time till it bores me to sleep. Only two stages might seem not so difficult. But the phase? i feel like im talking crap, thinking crap, acting crap and living crap! This ain't life, is it? which side of it i have not yet known? I would deny to say there aren't many. Just yesterday! Yesterday i came across this thing., A girl asking her friend, "So, how are u treating life?". I was 'mind tied' for a few seconds. If someone had asked me that question, I and others too would have pitied on it. I didn't realize that its not what life makes us..its what we make out of life.
Yeah, i realized. I remember there was a period of realization. Alot of things i realized. But,I just realized. Whats on the plate. From what is going on in my mind, its Retreat again, something im very much aquainted with.
Its growing. The more i write, the more it grows, the more it grows the more i write, the more i write the more i get bored, the more i get bored, the faster it goes. I'd be able to sleep then.
Gud nite. :)

all right, here im again :D
i just finished reading five point someone n i think the novel is pretty coooooooool man....seriously, tho i should admit his writing style infact the whole characterization of characters? is pretty much the same, n the story revolves around similar situations, for eg. bold girls, love life going oh so lovely!, the same bollywood style of parents objecting n protesting...then the well planned twists n turns like life would really be so meherban. I mean things look so smooth, even the hard times, they just pass away, jlt!
ok enough about his -ves...but he sure keeps his readers captivated.
As im thinkin bout the novel, its simply slipping out of my mind, you know. Like, there were instances when i really laughed my guts out, when Ryan calls Hari fatso for the first time which is absolutely irrelevant to the topic discussed, i guess it was the sytem Ryan was talkin bout n the nerds who keep muggin notes all the time.
Then when Hari is intrigued by the types of name Neha calls their relationship with, like ur my frnd, then a good frnd, then special frnd n then, lol, sweetest special frnd!!!! And there are many more such jokes that i couldn't help but laugh, while i was in the train!!! (readin the book ofcourse)
Man how i tried nippin it in the bud, but it had to come out n puzzle ppl y is this lady like female acting crazy ...anyway it was worth it
For some reason i could relate to the whole story n IIT thing, obvious reason i have ;)
Lols bunkin office today reminded me of the first novel i read durin my ssc days i.e. "If tomorrow comes" by Sidney Sheldon. I bunked classes n finished readin the novel in 3 days, seemed like n achievement to me.
I wonder if these days anything seems like an achievement to me. OH YES! Now i know why i could relate to these guys. I'm also playin an underdog these days!!! In office, in class, in everything i do!!! WOW, its amazing how u discover things once u start really thinking about ur life n probs..u have the answers right under your nose!!! saale chupe baithe rehte hai udhar ich :o)
...hmm there's ALOT MORE...par abhi k liye i'll juz post it...will edit it later on...enjoy ;)

filhal toh yahi hai :P

its been a while since i wrote anything on anything..hehe...now u know, not writing for a long time affects your writing skills to a ridiculous extent. [:p]
okies so lemme start with...
..............
..................
work? my new job? ummm ok..not bad to start with. Alright my job has a lot of scope for progress for me as well as for the company. If creative minds are put together and plans executed as strategized, the brand that i'm handling (also other brands) will sky skeen in a matter of time.
Now coming to my boss and subordinates (well i joined as a trainee but im given a bigger responsibility at par with my seniors so now they are my subordinates [:P]) They are good but sumtimes seem to ignore my suggestion considering the fact that i'm a complete rookie in this field. The area that i felt confidently is my strength, i.e. research, is now being questioned!!! i don't know if thats an eye opener or how should i take it...but all i know is my convincing skills suck big time!